yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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