I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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