Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
