Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
