Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
