I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
