i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
