please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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