tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
