Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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