Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
