So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize