That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
