I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
