clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
