We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
