So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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