Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
It's official drugs can't kill me
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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