does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
