Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
