Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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