Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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