I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
