I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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