im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
