Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
No subtext here. People are naked.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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