We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
