I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
