when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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