around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
