The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
