My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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