For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
