Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
