Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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