So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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