I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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