the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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