The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
