I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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