I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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