Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
