Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
