halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
