My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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