so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
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