Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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