I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
