I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
