They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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