so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
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