i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
The uberlube is also flammable
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
