wat bout pragnant strippers??
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
