I cannot find my penis.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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