Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize