Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
