dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
