Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize