Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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