worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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