At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
In other news, I just burned my penis
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
