You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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