ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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