dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
