i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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