He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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