it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
