I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
