i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
