I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
