this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
It's never too late to be topless.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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