you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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