Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
