The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
