Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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